Are the voices in my

head guardian angels

or spirit guides?

How do I know if I

can trust them?

Do I have to do what

they tell me to do?

How can I know if

they are good or evil?

What if I’m crazy?

Voices

Divinity or Insanity?

answers these questions

and more

40 of Skye Thomas’ most popular articles have been brought together to create this magical book.  Give it as a gift to someone going through a rough time to show them

your love and support.  Give

it to your teenagers as a series of life lessons to help them get through the difficulties of becoming adults.  Give it to yourself as a reminder that

you have what it takes to

get through the dramas that

life throws your way.  

When All Else Fails,

Find Your Heart’s Song and Sing Louder!

is one of those pick-me-ups

that you can rely on to always be there like a good friend ready to cheer you up on a cloudy day.

Who can I trust with

my heart?

What type of person

is naturally

compatible with me?

Who will love me for

who I am on the inside?

Who is naturally loyal

and faithful?

Why Do I Keep Falling

in Love With the

Wrong People?

answers these questions

and more

How can I stop the

negative self-talk from ruining my life?

How can I conquer my negativity and become a naturally positive person?

Why am I so fearful

of trying new things?

How can I improve

my self-esteem?

Beyond the Inner Critic

answers these questions

and more

Quirky Goodies can be found at our

Tomorrow’s Edge

Gift Shoppe

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August 10th, 2009

Looking Up

Good morning,

My sister is here visiting from out of town, so I am running late this morning and in a hurry to get back to family stuff.

I hope you are all having a great time.

take care,

Skye Thomas

Tomorrow's Edge

...inspiring leaps of faith

www.TomorrowsEdge.net

Books, articles, newsletters,

life coaching, & horoscopes.

This Week's News of Interest:

Refreshed Website

We spent three days last week double-checking all of the links on the website and found plenty of broken ones and some that went to old pages rather than the newer nicer ones.

We also put the old vertical side bar with links back into the layout of the page because it seemed to help with navigation purposes.  The horizontal navigation bar is still at the top so that people can use whichever they like better.

We also cleared out a bunch of ads from the edges of the pages to give the site a cleaner and fresher look.

Check it out when you have some free time.  Let us know if you find any broken links or misdirected links, or if you have some suggestions that might help us to create a better site.

Quote of the Week:

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. - Stacia Tauscher

Lying is the most simple form of self-defense. - Susan Sontag

Feature Article of the Week:

Learning How to Tell a Lie

My desk sits in the middle of the dining room.  From my chair, I can see the front door and entryway, the main entrance to the hallway, the kitchen, most of the back yard through my window, and of course the dining room.  I can hear almost everything that happens in both bathrooms because they share the same wall that my desk faces.  There isn't much that goes on in this house that I don't know about.  Anyone who has ever worked from home with a toddler understands this kind of set up.  Yes, it would be quieter and more productive if I moved my desk into one of the other rooms and could close a door behind me.  However, I picked this house because of the layout.  I need to be aware of everything my toddler is doing while I pound away at my keyboard.  It is not just for his basic safety, but also for the sake of my two teenagers.  You see, my little darling has begun learning the fine art of lying.  And the other kids are furious with him!

Yesterday for example, I was sitting here working while my teenage daughter was doing dishes in the kitchen right behind me.  There is a countertop division between the dining room and the kitchen so I can easily chat with my teenagers while they are cooking or cleaning up in there.  She was singing along with the radio and minding her own business while cleaning.  My oldest son had taken my toddler outside to play.  My youngest son suddenly walks into the house and marches right up to my desk to announce that his sister who is washing dishes just smacked him across the face really hard and that she needs to go to time-out right this minute.  

My oldest son who was fast on his trail coming in behind insisted that she was innocent because she hadn't even been outside.  I knew that already.  I pointed out this flaw in my little one's tale as he sat there looking like a mischievous little leprechaun quite pleased with himself for coming up with such a great story.  I asked him if he was lying to me.  He was sure that he wasn't, because that's not okay.  However, he also stuck to his story that yes she had just slapped him.  His eyes lit up with great pride as everyone got worked up over his accusations.  He was really quite tickled with himself.  So, I changed my approach and I asked him to tell me the truth.  "Well the truth is... nobody smacked me."  He then was more than happy to apologize to his sister for telling such a story.

All children discover at some time that lying, if done well, can get them out of trouble.  It is a sign of logical cognitive development that a child can wrap their mind around the concept that a well-told story could save them from disciplinary actions that might be forthcoming.  It starts out with us reading them stories and letting them watch their little movies and television shows.  They get to a point where they too want to tell stories, so they make some up.  We have all heard the charming silly little make-believe stories of extremely young children.  They are telling us these stories as a gift of entertainment.  Story telling by nature is really the spinning of an elaborate made up lie.  They do not see anything wrong with these stories.  And since we are tickled with their little tales of teddy bears and dragons and such, they assume that story telling is a socially acceptable form of entertainment and it is a great way to engage others into conversation.

Somewhere along the way, they realize that story telling can sometimes get them out of trouble.  They are looking at it from a logical self-preservation perspective.  It makes perfect sense to them.  So we of course have to teach them the difference between entertaining stories and lies.  What is the difference?  A story does not harm anyone or deceive anyone.  A lie is harmful to others or is intentionally deceptive in nature.  So in vocabulary words that makes sense to them, we have to explain the difference.  My little guy knows that lies are bad, but he does not really understand what lies are.  He does however know what telling the truth means.  So, when I want him to confess, I have to ask him for the truth.  If I simply say, "Don't lie to me."  He really has no idea what I am talking about and is adamant that since he was not intentionally being bad, he must not have been doing anything bad, and therefore he must not have been lying.  It is important when we are teaching these kinds of ideas to our young children that they fully grasp the definitions of the words that we are using.

I am trying to teach my teenagers that when he tells stories about them like the one that he told on his sister, he is not actually doing it because he is angry and trying to be vindictive in order to get her punished for something that she did not do.  That will come later in his development, but he is not there yet.  When children are really small and first start lying, they really do not grasp the concept that their lies could harm someone else.  At this point in time, he likes to play house and role-play different conversations that we all have with each other.  Like most young children, he is a mimic.  Therefore, he wants to play the game of 'Sissy being sent to time-out' simply as if they were playing at a game of make-believe.  It is no different to him than when he sits in my chair and announces that he is now 'the mama.'  He thinks he is engaging all of us into a delightful one-act play in which he is the director.  That is why he has the charming little twinkle in his eye and an impish grin on his face as everyone gets so worked up.  He thinks that we are all playing a delightful game that he has orchestrated.  

Most people dealing with very young children first learning how to lie are understandably shocked and angered that their child would do such a thing.  Most of us want to nip it in the bud immediately and make sure that they do not become habitual liars.  The most important thing to remember is to look at their motivation first - are they trying to engage others in some make-believe entertainment?  Are they trying to get out of trouble?  Are they deliberately trying to get someone else into trouble?  Look at their motivation and then find words that they can fully comprehend to teach them why it is okay to tell stories, but not okay to lie.  

Make it easy for them to know the difference between truth and stories.  You have to role model truth telling and story telling in a way that it is really simple and easy for them to tell the difference.  Use silly voices like cartoon characters and make lots of goofy over exaggerated facial expressions and body movements when you are telling them stories and then be very serious and obvious when you are telling them the truth.  This way, they too can modify their presentation of story telling so that everyone will know when they are just teasing and when they are serious.  

Eventually, they will learn the uglier forms of lying, and you will have to set up disciplinary consequences that show them that you are serious when you tell them that lying is not okay.  Teach them the value of truth and make it safe for them to come clean by telling the truth.  If they are only going to get into more trouble for admitting that their story is not true, then what is the benefit to confessing?  If your child gets punished just the same for lying and for telling the truth, then you are in effect telling them that lying is worth a shot.  You have to make honesty a more valuable choice for them.  Be very aware of how you dole out punishments.  Make sure you explain to them that the first punishment is for the crime that was committed (if it warrants one in your opinion).  Then tell them that you are going to administer a second punishment for lying.  That way, it becomes clear to them that lying is compounding their problems more often than not.  If lying causes them more grief than telling the truth, then they will usually opt for the truth.

Nothing teaches children more about how much we truly value honesty then to see the adults around them speaking with integrity and admitting to their own mistakes.  If our children see us covering up the truth to keep from looking bad in other people's eyes, they will do the same thing.  "Do as I say, not as I do" will never cut it when teaching children not to lie.  They are watching and listening to everything going on around them.  Speak truth and they will follow your lead.

Need someone to talk to about parenting issues?  Skye Thomas is available for life coaching.

Copyright 2005, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

Tomorrow's Edge

...inspiring leaps of faith

www.TomorrowsEdge.net

Books, articles, newsletters,

life coaching, & horoscopes.

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith.  She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying personal growth, motivation, soulmates, self-esteem, parenting, spirituality, metaphysics, family dynamics, dating, and astrology.  Her books, articles, and astrological forecasts have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness.  To read more of her articles, previews of her books, and her astrology forecasts, go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.  To read more about Skye and to sign up to receive one or more of her free newsletters, go to www.SkyeThomas.com.  

 

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