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February 11th, 2007
Looking Up
Good morning,
I have decided to give my children a kitten for Valentine's Day. They are really quite tickled with the idea. We are looking forward to bringing more "love" into the family.
take care,
Skye Thomas
Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
Long Live the American Dream!
This Week's News of Interest:
A book about finding "the one", dating, romance, soulmates, infidelity, the loneliness of being single, and giving love a second chance.
Feature Article of the Week:
To Know You Is To Love You
How do you show someone you love them? Do you buy them expensive gifts? Spend quality
time together? Make personal sacrifices just to see them smile? Dedicate a song
to them? Write a love letter or note of encouragement? Become their cheerleader?
Those are wonderful things to do but my question goes deeper then those types of
activities, even beyond your romantic partner. Think about your parents, your children,
your best friend, your sister, or your brother... anyone you love. How do you really
show them that you love them? Reverse the question if you like -
The answer lies in getting to know them. To truly love someone is to care about them to the very depth of who and what they are, what they believe, what they like, what they dislike, how they respond under pressure. It is so much more than what is their favorite color? Who is their favorite musician? All time favorite movie? It is knowing that they do not like fruit flavors in their colas, no cherry or lemon cokes. It is knowing just what temperature she likes her bubble bath. It is knowing that he prefers wearing cotton and why. It is knowing the perfect birthday present when they didn't even know what to ask for. It is looking at each other across a room and sharing a private joke without saying a word. Loving someone is the ability to see past the polite response to "How's it going?" and knowing that they really are not "Fine, thanks."
How do you get to that point? You watch them. You observe them. You ask them questions. You really listen to their answers. You figure it out. Why do you put so much time and energy into it? Because you love them. Because they fascinate you. Because you really do not have anything more important to do with your time. You are really truly present. You do not ever stop. How many relationships fizzle because we simply grow apart? We grow apart because we are not paying attention to each other anymore. We are no longer connected.
Maybe you are bitter because your own needs are not being met. Fair enough. It sucks to be in a one sided relationship. No argument there. Tell them. Tell them you feel ignored, unimportant, and distant, like it just isn't special anymore. Tell your mother you miss being really connected and close. Tell your lover you feel like the two of you are running on autopilot and it just isn't that incredible close relationship that you once had. Tell your teenager that you hate the distance that is growing between you. Reach out afterwards and ask them to share their heart's secrets with you. "Tell me who you are. Tell me what you dream of. Tell me, do you still love chocolate ice cream with Oreos on the side for breakfast? Tell me what your soul's made of, and I'll tell you about mine." Then listen, really listen. Hear their answers.
Nobody can truly be close to me and not know that Melissa Etheridge sings to my soul. You cannot listen to her song Talking to my Angels and not think of me. If you really loved me enough to know me personally, you would know that they will be playing her song, This War Is Over at my funeral some day. You would know that I long to visit Ireland and that I love fairies because I think they are our guardian angels. You would know about "those two people" that I write these articles and stories for. You would know what "the Winnebago Years" are all about. You would know that when I am really angry and losing control that you need to distract me with something logical to wrap my brain around and I will suddenly start pulling myself back together. You would know that lying is my biggest pet peeve.
What do I know about the people I love? I know that she does not drink caffeine anymore and always orders strawberry lemonades when we go to lunch. I know when he lies to protect me and when he lies to protect himself. I know by the look in their eyes, when my children are starting to get sick. I know why she keeps trying to become a vegetarian and why she fails at it. I know that music haunts his soul even though he is stuck working as a salesman. What would I know about you if I loved you enough to really get to know you?
Are we so wrapped up in ourselves, our careers, our own personal schedules and goals that we forget to really connect with our loved ones? When was the last time you really checked into the hearts and minds of those you profess to love? We all change, grow, evolve. Are they still the same people you fell in love with? How would you know? I am not who I was fifteen or twenty years ago, or even the same person I was five years ago. Are you? Are they?
What is the greatest gift you can give someone? Your full attention and focus. Take the time to really get to know them after all these years. Fall in love with them all over again. Get to know them as if you have just met. Of course you have to honor their secrets, be loyal, do not use the information to play power games or to ever belittle them. That destroys trust. Use the information to pick out the perfect Valentine's gift, to plan the perfect vacation, to surprise them with a movie they have never seen but will love, or to simply bring them their coffee with the perfect amount of cream and sugar before they even realized that they wanted some.
It can be as simple as asking them, "Tell me about yourself. Tell me what the world looks like through your eyes." Create the little moments that say 'I love you' by knowing what 'I love you' looks like to them.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge
Need someone to talk to
about your love life?
Skye Thomas is available for life coaching.
Quote of the Week:
"You aren't wealthy until you have something money can't buy." -
"If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he,
and I was I." -
"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." -
Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
Long Live the American Dream!
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps
of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying personal growth,
motivation, soulmates, self-
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