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November 17th, 2008
Looking Up
Good morning,
So, my oldest child has recently moved out to be his own man in charge of his own future. And my youngest child is learning about homework and household chores. Such different places in their development, and yet today’s article reminds me of both of them.
take care,
Skye Thomas
Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
Long Live the American Dream!
This Week's News of Interest:
Working on the December Forecasts
The new horoscopes are on track to go out Thursday or Friday of this week. They
will be sent out to the subscribers and then posted to the website. The free mini-
Quote of the Week:
Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me.” Expect a phone
call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching
hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.
-
"There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world.
We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look,
what we say, and how we say it." -
"You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't
get you anywhere." -
Feature Article of the Week:
Teaching Personal Choice
Years ago when my teenagers were still very young toddlers, I used to devour stacks
of library books. I was trying to learn everything I could about parenting and how
to break the dysfunctional cycles of my own childhood. One of the books I came across
was about how to make sure your kids turned out to be super smart successful types.
I was not thinking that I would push them into becoming doctors and presidents so
much as I just thought that if they were really smart, then they would not repeat
my mistakes. The book was not at all what I thought it would be. It was not a step-
The book gave the following types of examples to illustrate the point. When your child comes home from school with bad marks on their report card, you cannot allow the child to make the excuse that the reason their grades are bad is because the teacher hates them and is always grading them unfairly. When they are not good enough to make the soccer team, you cannot allow them to say that it is because the coach does not recognize talent. These things may be true, but that does not really matter. There will always be bosses and other authority figures who do not recognize talent and who do not like us. We still have to do our best and we still have to earn a paycheck. The teacher is not being graded, the child is. It is up to the child to earn those grades even if it means catering to the teacher’s particular whims as to how the work should be presented to them. Adults have to learn how to get promotions and pay raises despite the fact that bosses are too busy or too political to always make the right choices. It’s your report card. It’s your position on the soccer team. It’s your promotion. It’s your pay raise. You are the one who wants it. You are the one who is ultimately responsible for making it happen. The teacher, coach, or boss is simply an obstacle that you have to work around.
The other idea was that we should not allow our children to settle for less then their best just because the other kids do not work at their full potential. It was an expanded version of “if all of the other kids were going to jump off of a bridge, would you do it too?” If all the other kids are flunking, are you going to flunk too? If all the other employees are going without promotions and pay raises, are you going to go without too?
We live in a time when a lot of people think that smothering the kids with love and understanding is all it takes to get them to grow up happy and bright. All that does is let them know they are loved. It does not teach them how to get what they want out of life. Wealthy families teach their children how to earn money, how to spend money, how to invest money, how to control others with money, how to uplift others with money, and how to live the life of a wealthy person. Whiners teach their children how to whine that nothing is their fault and how to become victims of life. Drug addicts and alcoholics teach their children how to hide from life. Middle class families teach their children how to play it safe, don’t risk too much, and don’t waste too much. Intellectual families teach their children how to think for themselves. Religious families teach their children how to pray. Adventurous families teach their children how to play.
We teach our children by role modeling what we really believe. If I smoke a pack
of cigarettes every day and drink half a bottle of wine every night while I am telling
my children to stay off of drugs, you can pretty much bet that the kids are going
to see me as a hypocrite. They learn what we verbally teach them, but they decide
if it is valid information by watching us put it into action. If I say the words,
“I love you,” but do not spend any quality time with them, then there is room for
doubt. If I tell them to take accountability for their own actions, but then I constantly
whine about how everybody is always holding me back from succeeding at my goals,
then they are not going to really learn the lessons of self-
You can be comforting and understanding when they come home broken hearted because they did not make the team, but you still have to plant that seed that it is up to them to work harder, faster, stronger, smarter. If they really want that goal, then they are going to have to seriously buckle down and earn it. The worst thing you can do is simply hand them success on a silver platter. They will not have any idea how to succeed after you are gone. In theory, some day our children grow up and leave home to become productive members of society. How will they ever succeed at anything if we do not teach them how to stick to a goal and work hard until it is completed? The most important gift we can give them is lessons in tenacity, determination, and the incredible pride that comes from working hard at a goal and finally achieving it. We must role model the same thing for them.
My kids have watched me work at self-
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
Need someone to talk to about reclaiming your dreams? Skye Thomas is available for life coaching.
Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
Long Live the American Dream!
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps
of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying personal growth,
motivation, soulmates, self-
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