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December 25th, 2006
Confidence Matters
Merry Christmas,
I am actually writing to you on the morning of the 24th before things get crazy around here. This is the last of my “work” before I start making fudge and getting ready for Santa’s visit to our house later tonight. My five year old is anxious for the festivities to begin. It’s actually the teenagers who are the most excited and who seem to be pacing the most though! So from the eye of the storm let me take this moment to wish you all a wonderful day and I hope you all are able to spend time with those who mean the most to you. And for those of you who just want some sacred silence… I wish that for you too!
Today’s feature article might seem like an odd choice for Christmas and for “self-
Blessings to you all.
take care,
Skye Thomas
Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
Long Live the American Dream!
Quote of the Week:
“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and
feel the power to wish them well.” -
“Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!”
-
“I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better
get out of their way and let them have it.” -
“Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him
less than he had been before -
This Week’s News of Interest:
The new horoscopes were posted to the website and emailed out to the subscribers last Thursday. The new year starts out rather nice – check it out when you get a chance.
Feature Article of the Week:
Forgiving the Unforgivable
Religious teachings say that we have to forgive each other. Turn the other cheek. From our earliest childhood memories, our parents were telling us that we have to forgive our siblings when they hurt us or break our things. Forgive and forget. To hold a grudge will get you shunned and even ridiculed by others in society, “Ah just get over it. They said they were sorry.” We get this huge guilt complex dumped on us from all directions. We are expected to forgive everyone no matter what they do and no matter what their motivation was for doing it. Often, people aren’t even sorry that they have caused us pain and sorrow, yet we still have to offer up our forgiveness anyway. To refuse to forgive someone is often considered a greater sin then whatever the original crime was. But what about big stuff like infidelity, murder, kidnapping, and rape? What about the crimes of one society against another, like slavery, genocide, or destroying all of the art and history books of the losing team in a war? How do you forgive the really bad stuff and what if deep down in your most private heart you really don’t forgive them? Then what?
I tell you this, you are human, a perfectly natural normal human being. Do not treat yourself like you are the bad guy because you are honest with yourself and you refuse to live the lie of a forgiveness that you do not feel. If someone has committed a crime against your body, a crime against your heart, or a crime against your soul, you have a natural right to feel fear, anger, resentment, outrage and whatever else rushes through your heart and mind. What you do with that anger and rage is one thing, but you have the right to feel what you feel. Do not lie to yourself and pretend that you do not feel it. Do not try to force yourself to begin feeling something completely different. Real forgiveness will come if and when you are ready and not a moment before.
Does that mean that you are going to let that anger control you? No! You already
had to suffer through the ugliness of someone else’s behaviors and choices, you should
not allow the anger you feel to also rule over your life. Part of taking back your
life and walking a path that is happy and healthy and eventually healing is by controlling
what will and will not be allowed to dominate over you. That is why our personal
freedoms are so vital to our well-
Real forgiveness requires time -
It is naturally easier to forgive someone that appears to be truly sorry for their actions. It also helps if someone shows signs of trying to make things right again. Sometimes the person who is sorry is not always the one who makes things right again. One man may rape a woman, but a second man comes along and teaches her again that her body is a sacred and holy temple to be treasured. That second man makes her healing and forgiveness of the first man easier. A society who realizes that they have harmed a minority group but then later tries to make it right by educating their children and providing medical care with no strings attached goes a long way to begin the healing process.
Yes, we are the ones who ultimately benefit the most from being able to forgive those who harm us, but it must be a real forgiveness and not someone else’s dogma thrown in our face. Forgive those who have harmed you as much as you can in the moment. Be honest with yourself. Then forgive yourself for not being able to forgive 100%. Later when you have had some time to heal, forgive them a bit more. Do not torture yourself with guilt, just allow yourself real honest healing, in real honest time. If you never forgive them, then so be it. Perhaps in generations to come, your children, grandchildren, or great grandchildren will forgive them for having hurt you so deeply. Some things are simply too big to forgive in one lifetime. I am sorry that we still do such things to each other. I am also sorry that we further complicate the victims’ lives by requiring them to live the lie of forgiveness when there is no possible way for them to ever really feel it.
Copyright 2005, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge
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Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
Long Live the American Dream!
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps
of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying personal growth,
motivation, soulmates, self-
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