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March 15th, 2010
Looking Up
Good morning,
I wrote today’s feature article back in 2006 and am just now ready to share it with you. Partly because I found it in an old file today after forgetting that it existed and partly because some small voice is pushing me to post it even though I am still nervous about it years after writing it.
I had just read an article written by an aging man who was irate about “those damn women’s libbers” and he was ripping apart the men born in the 60’s and 70’s for being wimps, selfish jerks, and/or walking out on their children. He was blaming his generation’s women for the behavior of my generation’s men. No, I don’t remember his name and I don’t remember anything about the title or location of his article.
I wrote this article as an angry rebuttal to his angry article. He and his kind are the intended audience, but then again, he and his kind would never be on my mailing list reading my work anyway, now would they?
I read an article recently written by a woman that was worried that we were no longer marching and fighting for women’s rights anymore. She was afraid that we had not come far enough and that if we did not stay motivated and challenging the status quo that we would slip backwards and lose the ground that we have gained. I don’t know if I agree or disagree with her. I am chewing on her ideas and letting it sit with me for a while. Therefore, I won’t respond to that just yet. However, I do want her and her kind to know, that my daughter’s generation is much further along than what you might realize. They really don’t have the hang ups about such things that the rest of us have. Older generations in power might still have issues, but younger generations are still moving in the right direction.
My response to that man’s angry tirade is as much a generational outrage as it is a gender outrage. My generation has a tough time because we do straddle two extremely different philosophies about gender, politics, religion, and a whole host of other topics. We do flounder trying to find our way. But we are learning as we too age, that despite being in an uncertain time of transition, we are still responsible for our own behaviors and we can’t always blame our elders for everything that goes wrong in our lives.
take care,
Skye Thomas
Tomorrow's Edge
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This Week's News of Interest:
The Pluto Files
This looks pretty interesting...
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/pluto/
Quote of the Week:
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
-
"There will be a time when loud-
"Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!"
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Feature Article of the Week:
Don’t You Dare Blame Us!
I just finished reading yet another article where a man over 60 years of age is blaming
the feminist movement for how men in their 30’s and 40’s have turned out. Yet again,
I’m being told that the reason men my age cheat is because women want to be treated
like something more than a housekeeper and nanny. The reason that men don’t pay
child support is because women my age want the option of staying home or working.
The reason that so many educated strong self-
I cannot believe that men my age are allowing this older generation to speak of them in this manner. I cannot believe that it is up to the strong women who are blamed for just about everything that has ever gone wrong in the last 50 years to stand up on their behalf. I cannot believe that these old men are still blaming women for the way men behave. This is the same generation that said it was our fault if we were raped. They used to say that men were not to be expected to be able to control their sexual urges if a pretty girl walked by unescorted. Now, I’m supposed to believe that men cannot be men unless women are small, stupid, and financially dependant? How little you must think of your own gender to continually blame mine for your flaws.
I do not blame men for the women who are an embarrassment to my gender. There have been gold diggers, terrible mothers, sluts, prudes, nags, and shrews since the beginning of time. But it is not because men do or do not fall into some preconceived set of gender roles that we women can be terrible people. We have a mean, vindictive, selfish, ugly side to us with or without your participation. Why can’t this older generation see that men have been rapists, snivelers, dictators, cowards, lazy, revengeful, obsessive, controlling, and possessive since the beginning of time with or without our approval. You know why people are stupid jerks? It has nothing to do with gender roles; people are jerks because they are selfish, greedy, and spoiled. It has nothing to do with political parties, religious teachings, financial resources, nationalities, or anything else. People are what they chose to be.
There are plenty of wonderful men my age that cannot find a decent woman. I am offended
on their behalf that you lump all men my age in with the bitter men of your generation.
You may be lost without your stereotypical gender roles, but we really do not require
labels and small-
Yes, we are trying to find our way, but we sure as heck are not going to blame others
for our mistakes. We are not going to whine and complain that if someone else would
play small then we could stand up and walk tall. We will give each other permission
to be whatever we feel like being in any given moment. I want to know that I can
cry when I’m sad and I can fight when I’m mad. And I want to know that the men can
do the same. Each to his own -
No more whining about how great it used to be when men were men and women shut their damn mouths. Those days are over. So please, do not insult your entire gender by stating that you have no idea how to behave honorably, ethically, or with courage unless we sit quietly and submissively while batting our eyelashes. I’m offended that you think so little of your own. I have more faith in men even if you old guys don’t.
Just because some grumpy woman will snap at you for opening a door for her doesn’t mean that all of us will. Just because some men skip out on child support doesn’t mean that all of you will. And I can promise you that not being able to open a door for someone is NOT the reason that a guy skips out on his obligations to his children. It’s not that simple and you should know better. Yes, we are in a transition between a generation that could not function without gender roles and a generation that really doesn’t want or need them at all. But that does not mean that the new direction is bad or to blame for those who are screwing up. To hear you speak, no man ever behaved poorly until the feminists started speaking openly about wanting to change the way things were done.
Yes, I understand that a lot of men are lost and do not quite know what to do or how to conduct themselves during this transition. Just as women are trying to find balance between the two extremes, so are men. We women don’t expect nor require perfection. We want honesty. Be who you really are. Yes, we want it all – don’t you? We want someone strong enough and loyal enough to fight on our behalf. Don’t you want that from us? We want someone gentle enough to know that our hearts are safe when we give them to you. Don’t you? We are learning how to be both strong and gentle. Can’t you?
Need someone to talk to about life's challenges? Skye Thomas is available for life coaching.
Copyright 2006, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
Tomorrow's Edge
...inspiring leaps of faith
Books, articles, newsletters,
life coaching, & horoscopes.
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps
of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying personal growth,
motivation, soulmates, self-
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