Are the voices in my

head guardian angels

or spirit guides?

How do I know if I

can trust them?

Do I have to do what

they tell me to do?

How can I know if

they are good or evil?

What if I’m crazy?

Voices

Divinity or Insanity?

answers these questions

and more

40 of Skye Thomas’ most popular articles have been brought together to create this magical book.  Give it as a gift to someone going through a rough time to show them

your love and support.  Give

it to your teenagers as a series of life lessons to help them get through the difficulties of becoming adults.  Give it to yourself as a reminder that

you have what it takes to

get through the dramas that

life throws your way.  

When All Else Fails,

Find Your Heart’s Song and Sing Louder!

is one of those pick-me-ups

that you can rely on to always be there like a good friend ready to cheer you up on a cloudy day.

Who can I trust with

my heart?

What type of person

is naturally

compatible with me?

Who will love me for

who I am on the inside?

Who is naturally loyal

and faithful?

Why Do I Keep Falling

in Love With the

Wrong People?

answers these questions

and more

How can I stop the

negative self-talk from ruining my life?

How can I conquer my negativity and become a naturally positive person?

Why am I so fearful

of trying new things?

How can I improve

my self-esteem?

Beyond the Inner Critic

answers these questions

and more

Quirky Goodies can be found at our

Tomorrow’s Edge

Gift Shoppe

Love & Compatability       Angels & Spirituality       Horoscopes & Astrology       Self-Confidence & Personal Development       Skye Thomas

Articles       Books       Newsletters       Abundance & Prosperity       Family & Friends       Contact Us       ...and so much more

September 4th, 2006

Confidence Matters

Good Morning,

Hope you are all making the best of this Labor Day weekend.  We’re enjoying plenty of family time together before the kids go back to school next week.

take care,

Skye Thomas

Tomorrow's Edge

...inspiring leaps of faith

www.TomorrowsEdge.net

Long Live the American Dream!

 

 

 

Quote of the Week:

"An inventor fails 999 times, and if he succeeds once, he’s in. He treats his failures simply as practice shots." – Charles Kettering, Inventor

“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.”  -- Kahlil Gibran

This Week’s News of Interest:

Halloween is Coming

Yes, it does seem a bit early to be talking about this, but we wanted to give you plenty of time to order some of our clever trick-or-treat bags, seasonal decorations, and clothing items.  Not all of it’s about spiders, black cats, and jack-o-lanterns.  We’ve also included some nice autumn and harvest themed items too.  

Feature Article of the Week:

 

Conversational Negative Self-talk

Most people don’t even know they’re doing it.  Throughout the course of normal conversation, they bombard themselves with negative self-talk.  Even people who are aware of the power of their words seem to miss some of the most commonly used derogatory comments that are made towards ourselves in the course of normal conversation.  While plotting out goals and dreams we remember to stop ourselves from saying statements like “I can’t,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I’ll never be able to pull this off.”  However, it’s the subtle little things that we say while on conversational autopilot that eats away at our self-confidence.

How many times have you heard someone in a conversation admit that they were misinformed in the past by saying, “Oops, I lied.”  Lying by definition is a deliberate and sometimes malicious intent to deceive another.  If you were wrong, misinformed, or made a bad assumption, but honestly believed you were giving factual information at the time, then it was NOT a lie.  You are not a liar.  You did not deliberately deceive the other person.  Do not use a negative term like “lied” to describe yourself.  Say, “Oops, I misunderstood.”  “Oops, I made a bad assumption.”  Or, “Oops, I was wrong.”  Unless you actually did it on purpose, it’s not a lie and you shouldn’t call yourself a liar.  It amazes me how many people say “I lied!” repeatedly during normal conversation as if they are habitual liars or something.  It’s a derogatory word.  Don’t use it unless you really meaning it.

My daughter was telling me about a friend of hers that she was talking on the telephone with the other night.  They were going over a tough homework assignment together.  Every time my daughter’s friend realized that she had written down the wrong answer, on autopilot she would say, “Oh, I’m stupid.”  Over and over without even realizing it, she kept calling herself stupid.  She said it ten or fifteen times within an hour-long conversation.  Funny thing is this girl isn’t stupid, she just thinks she is and acts accordingly.  My children were taught never to call themselves such things.  My daughter’s friend is really quite normal.  I’m always hearing people say “I’m so stupid” or they will say the equivalent, “I’m dumb” or “that was dumb” in reference to their selves.  Stupid and dumb are interchangeable.

Sometimes the negative comments are disguised as humor.  “What can you do?  I’m just a stupid guy,” “Oh well, what do you expect from a dumb blonde,” or “I think my mom dropped me one too many times as a baby!”  The fact that they feel a need to make excuses for themselves means that they have low self-confidence.  Disguising it as humor doesn’t make it any less negative.

It’s a subtle and difficult pattern to break.  A lot of people do it without noticing that they are even doing it.  It’s said with the same automatic presentation as the “Fine, thanks.” That always follows “How are you?”  If you think you might be guilty of negative self-talk, ask someone to help you with it.  For example, in public speaking classes they will get on you for saying things like “um,” “ya know,” or “soooooo.”  These are fillers that we unintentionally slip into our speeches when we’re nervous.  We usually do not know we are doing it until we have someone point it out to us consistently.  After awhile, the speech students begin to monitor their words and stop using these filler phrases.  I would recommend doing the same thing to help each other end the bad habit of using conversational negative self-talk.

My daughter came home from school a couple of months ago and every other word was ‘like.’  Like there was this kid at school and like they were like so out of control!  The teacher like had to like send them to the office because like they wouldn’t sit down and like respect the class.  I giggled to myself as I stood there fixing dinner and listening to her 13-year-old lingo.  I asked her if she knew how much she was saying ‘like.’  She argued that she wasn’t saying it.  Just like a lot of people would argue that they aren’t guilty of negative self-talk.  So, as she carried on her conversation for the next few minutes, I simply echoed “like” right after she would say it.  Over and over, I’d just quietly say, “like” until we were both able to laugh together.  She was quickly able to alter her speech patterns once she was forced into awareness.

It can really be that simple.  Offer to help your friend to overcome their automated negative comments by playing the same game with them.  If they are guilty of saying a particular derogatory statement repeatedly, then offer to help them to break the pattern.  If you can admit to yourself that you are one of those people that says negative things about yourself without even really thinking about it, then ask someone to help you to stop.  You would be amazed at how quickly you can stop the behavior if someone will just make you take notice.  Self-awareness is the key to ending negative self-talk.

If you are too embarrassed to ask for help, or you do not have anyone that you would trust enough to help you, then you are going to have to make a huge effort to become more aware of the words you speak during casual conversation.  It is harder to accomplish by yourself, but still doable.  Imagine that the negative statements are cuss words.  You wouldn’t want to throw those kinds of words out around your boss would you?  You wouldn’t want to use them around children would you?  You wouldn’t use them around your grandma would you?  Attach the same ‘no way!’ attitude to those negative self-talk statements.  Start really listening to yourself.  There’s really no need to beat yourself up when you catch yourself rattling off these statements, just take notice and make a promise to yourself that you will stop.  Keep noticing, until you do stop.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

Tomorrow's Edge

...inspiring leaps of faith

www.TomorrowsEdge.net

Long Live the American Dream!

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith.  She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying personal growth, motivation, soulmates, self-esteem, parenting, spirituality, metaphysics, family dynamics, dating, and astrology.  Her books, articles, and astrological forecasts have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness.  To read more of her articles, previews of her books, and her astrology forecasts, go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.  To read more about Skye and to sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, go to www.SkyeThomas.com.  

 

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